No relationship is absolutely perfect 100 percent of the time. But you can usually tell pretty quickly when a relationship definitely isn’t going to stand the test of time.
There are major red flags that the people of Reddit have noticed in their own, their friends’, and their families’ relationships.
These are tell-tale signs that two people were just not made for each other. Some are pretty obvious.
Some, less so.
We all deserve to be happy. If you or your friend is experiencing any of these bad relationship signals, maybe it’s time to make a change.
A little arguing back and forth is normal, but when you can hear these idiots screaming their heads off at each other every single goddamn day of their lives, they need to just quit it. –Mistah-Jay
The four horsemen
There is actually research by John Gottman in this area. He calls them the four horsemen.
The traits are contempt, criticism, stonewalling and defensiveness. His research has shown that within just a few minutes of watching a couple, he can determine if their relationship is likely to end in divorce based on if any of these are present.
The good news is, they all have antidotes!
They dislike each other
The only one for me is: when they don’t like each other.
Literally, everything else I’ve seen couples successfully bypass – extreme differences in personalities, in interests, in politics, in s-e-x drives, in religions, all fine – as long as they like each other and want to be around each other.
If you’re dreading going home at the end of the day because your spouse is there, that’s the only time I think “Why are you even together, then?” –molly__pop
They don’t listen to each other
I saw one just the other day at a restaurant. He would be talking, and she would be listening and responding.
When she was talking, he would pick up his phone and stare at it the whole time.
That relationship isn’t going to last. –sstair
The next one is totally key.
If you’re not comfortable with your SO. I think being comfortable around them is very important. This comes from someone with a lot of anxiety. –Sticky-Sticker
Vague, passive aggressive posts on social media that can only be directed at each other.
Venting without using their names.
It’s fine to be frustrated with each other but if yall cant be direct with each other it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship. –leclaire63
When their relationship doesn’t seem as fulfilling without drug use.
They can’t be themselves
When their whole personality and behavior changes when their SO is around.
It means that they can’t be themselves while being together and results in an unbalanced couple where one (or both) end up unhappy in the long run.
It gets tiresome to act like someone you’re not. –PsyQoWim
When they can’t make each other laugh. –FraggleOnFire
The next one is really important.
Not popular with friends and family
When every last one of their friends and family thinks so
My best friend married a horrible person. His brother agrees. All his mutual friends agree. My biggest regret is saying nothing at his wedding.
But I know him and he’d have just disregarded it and thrown me out –callmegecko
When they don’t share core values. It’s fine to like different food, entertainment, and activities, but if you don’t share the big stuff like beliefs, morals, life/family goals, those are big things that can turn into points of contention.
An argument or discussion doesn’t always change those things either. –ZombiUbojica
Shared Facebook account
Pretty much anytime I see a couple have a shared FB account.
Usually, it seems like either someone cheated, and so they don’t fully have the trust of their partner, or someone absolutely wears the pants, and the other is a pushover.
Not saying that couples can’t make those sort of situations work, but… –bojiggidy
One wants kids, and the other doesn’t.
When one partner sets out huge expectations and outlandish terms expecting the other to change and defer to them. The relationship would be a dictatorship.
The next one might not seem obvious at first.
They hide from each other
When one of them (or both of them) is constantly hiding shit from the other one. That whole “if my girl/boyfriend calls, I’m not here!” or anything like that.
I dated a guy for awhile who was a huge drunk and tried to hide it from me as much as he could.
Found out after we broke up from a couple friends that they would occasionally run into him at bars and he would always ask them to not tell me they saw him drinking. –bagzilla
No equal effort
When they don’t want to put an equal amount of effort into the relationship. I have a couple of ex-friends who are a sh*tty husband and a sh*tty wife, but they’re both gonna be together forever because they both put in so little effort to be together.
They’re like roommates who f*ck every 60 days. –CraptainHammer
They only have s-e-x in common
I was talking with a new couple, and the girl was telling me how they like none of the same things.
Every date they go on, one was sacrificing for the other to do something they liked. At some point in the conversation, I made a joke about s-e-x, and she said, “Oh yeah, there is one thing we both enjoy!”
When Every time you meet him or her, he/she’s complaining about their SO.
Seriously, I’ve seen people have kids together but never have anything good to say about each other when the other person is not around. –CouldBeAPygmy
They’re afraid of being alone
They only stick together out of fear of being alone.
Sooner be alone and happy than with someone and miserable.
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